Bowling will be a real sport when professional wrestling is a real sport
Get ready for a MAJOR rant on the state of bowling in the year 2012.
First, a little history.
Back in the late 1960s, I was quite the child bowling prodigy. My average in the 7th grade (age 11-12) was in the vicinity of 173. To put that into perspective, the pros in those days were averaging in the low 200s. Not bad for a 12-year-old.
In high school, I was a four-year letter-man on the bowling team, and much to my chagrin (and to the absolute delight of my friends who I will not name [Martelli] who love to break my balls), under my yearbook photo it says "the heart of the Bison bowling team." I bowled clean-up for three of the four years.
Now, I actually found out that I peaked early — I never got much better, and I think my highest average in high school might have been 176 or 177. Still not bad, but hardly the stuff of a professional bowler. So be it. Suffice to say that I knew the game and was good at it for a long time. I eventually stopped bowling in the early 1980s to focus on softball, which I loved. I did not resume until the 2000s, when my brother dragged me out of retirement to resume my pursuit of "greatness".
Right.
Anyway, prior to the mid 1980s, all bowling lanes were made of wood. Bowling balls were either rubber or plastic, and plastic didn't come around until the 1970s -- before that you had a world of black, rubber balls, with the only adornments being the occasional white dot on the things.
The wood lanes, prior to the mid 1980s, were oiled (or lacquered) on a regular basis to keep the wood in good condition. Here is a good article on that subject. They would do this maybe once every month or every couple of months.
So here's how your life as a regular bowler would go: for several weeks after they oiled the lanes, your (rubber or plastic) ball would barely hook at all. Every time you'd go to take your shot, you had to wipe the oil off the ball -- but that really didn't do squat. It wouldn't hook, and you lived with the results, which were usually 150 or 160 games (if you were good).
Then, as the oil began to wear off in subsequent weeks, your ball would begin to hook more and more. And your scores would go up. Just when the conditions were to everyone's liking — BANG! — they'd oil the lanes again and you'd start the cycle over again. It was challenging, there were SCANT few perfect games (in the entire time I was bowling between about 1967 and about 1982, I don't think I personally saw a SINGLE perfect game, and only heard of about 5-10 being bowled in the area), and yeah, it was still fun and competitive regardless.
Things changed dramatically in the mid-to-late late 1980s and beyond, while I was busy playing softball.
First came the invention of synthetic lanes. These lanes are much harder than wood lanes, and they allow the proprietors to more accurately condition the lanes and keep the conditions more consistent. And guess what the proprietors learned? They learned that bowlers had higher scores, and this made them "happier," so they bowled more and kept coming back.
Then the ball technology began to follow suit, and manufacturer's began making a wide variety of synthetic balls that were geared toward any lane conditions. So if the lanes happened to be moving on a certain night more than usual (which happens on occasions for reasons I don't understand), you could pull out the ball you bought that favored that particular condition. This would allow you to basically use the same line you always use when conditions were "normal". In other words, it makes it easy for you to be able to do the same exact thing night after night and hence bowl better.
Here comes the rant part:
What this has created is a generation of FUCKING PUSSIES and SPOILED BRATS.
I bowl in a very good league at 6:00 PM on Thursday nights at The Brunswick Zone in Turnersville, NJ. There are some very good bowlers in this league, guys who AVERAGE almost 230, a truly ridiculous figure. A few weeks ago, we bowled against a guy who told us he has bowled 38 perfect games.
THIRTY-EIGHT.
I don't know what the pros are averaging these days, but boy, I guess it has to be higher than 230, huh? Though apparently the big difference between amateurs and pros nowadays is that for the professionals, they actually adjust the lane conditions to make them more difficult, which is kinda comical to me. I mean, really??
Last night, we bowled against a very nice gentleman who is 85-years-old. He moved very well for his age, but could not bend over much at the foul line. He couldn't get much on the ball because of that, but because the equipment has all improved so bloody much over the years, he is able to make his ball hook dramatically. I was told that this nice, gentle man bowled TWO perfect games in one week just six months ago. His average is in the low 200s.
There are a LOT of other guys in this league in similar situations. They are older gentlemen, totally past ANY athletic prime (if they even had one), who are still able to flirt with perfect games regularly and average north of 200 season after season after season. The numbers of guys in this league averaging above 200 is STAGGERING. I bet it's almost 50-50.
If many these of guys were bowling prior to the advent of synthetic lanes and balls, trust me, they would be in the 160s or 170s, period, end of story. You will NEVER convince me otherwise because I WAS THERE. Back then, if you didn't do SOMETHING with your ball — something that required at least a modicum of athletic ability — you were NOT averaging above 180 no way, no how.
Now don't get me wrong: the really top-notch bowlers — like the guy with the 38 perfect games — would have been good in ANY era. The guys averaging 215-230 would still have been the top guys in the 70s and 80s, though their averages would have been more like 185-200. But the guys averaging 190-200 in this league would absolutely "only" be around 160-170. Simple fact of life, and my own performance bears that out.
So why this rant now?
Last night, the conditions at The Brunswick Zone where not "normal" for whatever reasons. My ball was breaking way more than it usually does right from the outset and throughout the course of the evening. Back in the wood lane days, I guess you'd have said the lanes were "dry". Hence, all the big heroes were not able to use their usual "line", and the scores were down quite a bit from what they normally are.
In my case, I was able to manage "only" a 592 series, some 30 pins below my average of 624 (208 per game). I was second high on our team, but a guy on the team we played had a 655 series. And this was a guy who averages "only" in the 190s (one of those who would have had about a 155-160 average had he bowled in the 1970s). So I guess he was able to figure it out even if a lot of other guys were not. Gee.
The conditions did not bother me one iota. I still maintain that if I had held my concentration and focus all night long, I still would have been able to bowl my average. That's on ME, not the lanes. Further, the conditions were the same for all bowlers, so why would I bitch and moan? I am there to COMPETE against both our opponents and against the condition of the lanes. So it was harder than usual last night. So what??
But what I did I have to listen to last night? A bunch of BABIES crying because "the shot is different," "the lanes are oily," and "all the scores are down". Well guess what?
SUCK IT THE FUCK UP AND BOWL.
You are not SUPPOSED to be able to throw a strike every fucking time. And you don't DESERVE a strike every time just because you happened to throw the ball in the pocket or touch the head pin (which you can do virtually every time anyway on these pussy lanes). I saw guys all night long just WHINING because the 10 pin or 8 pin stood up. And I had to listen to SEVERAL sorry ass conversations between the poor, beleaguered bowling alley manager and several IRATE (really, I swear to God!) patrons who were not happy because they couldn't bowl as high as they "usually" do.
It was truly embarrassing to listen to this guff. One guy actually kept us waiting (again, I swear to God) for TEN MINUTES because he was too busy yelling at the manager to take his turn! And when he got back (finally) to his lane, his teammates actually THANKED HIM for bitching to the manager!!
Oy vay.
At the end of the night, I went up to one of these guys (a very nice guy, in his defense) and most facetiously said "Boy, if they don't fix these lanes I swear I am never bowling again." His response, quite non-facetiously, was "Yeah, I hear you!".
What a generation of pathetic, spoiled, over-rated, ego-centric bowlers we have grown here!
I make it a point to try and not show any emotion if I throw what I believe is a "perfect" strike only to see a pin remain standing. My position is simple: I did my job and threw the ball where I wanted it. After that, it's up to the fates to decide if 10 pins are gonna fall. If they do not, that does not change the fact that I did my job. Then I suck it up and try to make the spare. The only times I get annoyed are when I get annoyed at ME — I am the guy holding the ball, and I have complete control over what I do with it. The rest ain't up to me.
When this happens a LOT of times during the course of an evening, yeah, I can get frustrated like anyone else. But honestly, in the entire time I have been bowling in this league, I'd have to say that has happened to me only once or twice. The rest of the times I would have to say that my results have been "fair," and I have no complaints. Whether I have scored high or low, I place the blame squarely where it belongs: on my shoulders.
We are going back to wood bats in baseball for safety, and now a whole generation of young "stud" baseball players is going to have to learn than "mere mortals" don't hit baseballs 400 feet. I say we also go back to wood lanes so all these "heroes" can learn that a 300 game is NOT something you should be able to do 40-50 times in your lifetime, and that no 85-year-old (or at least VERY few) should be able to do it even once.
I hope I NEVER have to listen again to a bunch of (allegedly) grown men behave the way they did last evening. It was embarrassing and ridiculous. The whole episode convinces me further that bowling is NOT a real sport and never will be. I mean, let's move the baseball fences in to 250 feet so we can ALL hit home runs. Let's lower the baskets in basketball to eight feet so we can ALL dunk. Let's make the hockey nets 10 feet wide so we can ALL score.
What a fucking joke.
P.S. No, I have never bowled a perfect game, though I have had 10 in a row from the beginning of a game (286 score), and 11 in a row twice (290 and 279). Why haven't I? Because I ain't been good enough. We deal in REALITY here.
First, a little history.
Back in the late 1960s, I was quite the child bowling prodigy. My average in the 7th grade (age 11-12) was in the vicinity of 173. To put that into perspective, the pros in those days were averaging in the low 200s. Not bad for a 12-year-old.
In high school, I was a four-year letter-man on the bowling team, and much to my chagrin (and to the absolute delight of my friends who I will not name [Martelli] who love to break my balls), under my yearbook photo it says "the heart of the Bison bowling team." I bowled clean-up for three of the four years.
Now, I actually found out that I peaked early — I never got much better, and I think my highest average in high school might have been 176 or 177. Still not bad, but hardly the stuff of a professional bowler. So be it. Suffice to say that I knew the game and was good at it for a long time. I eventually stopped bowling in the early 1980s to focus on softball, which I loved. I did not resume until the 2000s, when my brother dragged me out of retirement to resume my pursuit of "greatness".
Right.
Anyway, prior to the mid 1980s, all bowling lanes were made of wood. Bowling balls were either rubber or plastic, and plastic didn't come around until the 1970s -- before that you had a world of black, rubber balls, with the only adornments being the occasional white dot on the things.
The wood lanes, prior to the mid 1980s, were oiled (or lacquered) on a regular basis to keep the wood in good condition. Here is a good article on that subject. They would do this maybe once every month or every couple of months.
So here's how your life as a regular bowler would go: for several weeks after they oiled the lanes, your (rubber or plastic) ball would barely hook at all. Every time you'd go to take your shot, you had to wipe the oil off the ball -- but that really didn't do squat. It wouldn't hook, and you lived with the results, which were usually 150 or 160 games (if you were good).
Then, as the oil began to wear off in subsequent weeks, your ball would begin to hook more and more. And your scores would go up. Just when the conditions were to everyone's liking — BANG! — they'd oil the lanes again and you'd start the cycle over again. It was challenging, there were SCANT few perfect games (in the entire time I was bowling between about 1967 and about 1982, I don't think I personally saw a SINGLE perfect game, and only heard of about 5-10 being bowled in the area), and yeah, it was still fun and competitive regardless.
Things changed dramatically in the mid-to-late late 1980s and beyond, while I was busy playing softball.
First came the invention of synthetic lanes. These lanes are much harder than wood lanes, and they allow the proprietors to more accurately condition the lanes and keep the conditions more consistent. And guess what the proprietors learned? They learned that bowlers had higher scores, and this made them "happier," so they bowled more and kept coming back.
Then the ball technology began to follow suit, and manufacturer's began making a wide variety of synthetic balls that were geared toward any lane conditions. So if the lanes happened to be moving on a certain night more than usual (which happens on occasions for reasons I don't understand), you could pull out the ball you bought that favored that particular condition. This would allow you to basically use the same line you always use when conditions were "normal". In other words, it makes it easy for you to be able to do the same exact thing night after night and hence bowl better.
Here comes the rant part:
What this has created is a generation of FUCKING PUSSIES and SPOILED BRATS.
I bowl in a very good league at 6:00 PM on Thursday nights at The Brunswick Zone in Turnersville, NJ. There are some very good bowlers in this league, guys who AVERAGE almost 230, a truly ridiculous figure. A few weeks ago, we bowled against a guy who told us he has bowled 38 perfect games.
THIRTY-EIGHT.
I don't know what the pros are averaging these days, but boy, I guess it has to be higher than 230, huh? Though apparently the big difference between amateurs and pros nowadays is that for the professionals, they actually adjust the lane conditions to make them more difficult, which is kinda comical to me. I mean, really??
Last night, we bowled against a very nice gentleman who is 85-years-old. He moved very well for his age, but could not bend over much at the foul line. He couldn't get much on the ball because of that, but because the equipment has all improved so bloody much over the years, he is able to make his ball hook dramatically. I was told that this nice, gentle man bowled TWO perfect games in one week just six months ago. His average is in the low 200s.
There are a LOT of other guys in this league in similar situations. They are older gentlemen, totally past ANY athletic prime (if they even had one), who are still able to flirt with perfect games regularly and average north of 200 season after season after season. The numbers of guys in this league averaging above 200 is STAGGERING. I bet it's almost 50-50.
If many these of guys were bowling prior to the advent of synthetic lanes and balls, trust me, they would be in the 160s or 170s, period, end of story. You will NEVER convince me otherwise because I WAS THERE. Back then, if you didn't do SOMETHING with your ball — something that required at least a modicum of athletic ability — you were NOT averaging above 180 no way, no how.
Now don't get me wrong: the really top-notch bowlers — like the guy with the 38 perfect games — would have been good in ANY era. The guys averaging 215-230 would still have been the top guys in the 70s and 80s, though their averages would have been more like 185-200. But the guys averaging 190-200 in this league would absolutely "only" be around 160-170. Simple fact of life, and my own performance bears that out.
So why this rant now?
Last night, the conditions at The Brunswick Zone where not "normal" for whatever reasons. My ball was breaking way more than it usually does right from the outset and throughout the course of the evening. Back in the wood lane days, I guess you'd have said the lanes were "dry". Hence, all the big heroes were not able to use their usual "line", and the scores were down quite a bit from what they normally are.
In my case, I was able to manage "only" a 592 series, some 30 pins below my average of 624 (208 per game). I was second high on our team, but a guy on the team we played had a 655 series. And this was a guy who averages "only" in the 190s (one of those who would have had about a 155-160 average had he bowled in the 1970s). So I guess he was able to figure it out even if a lot of other guys were not. Gee.
The conditions did not bother me one iota. I still maintain that if I had held my concentration and focus all night long, I still would have been able to bowl my average. That's on ME, not the lanes. Further, the conditions were the same for all bowlers, so why would I bitch and moan? I am there to COMPETE against both our opponents and against the condition of the lanes. So it was harder than usual last night. So what??
But what I did I have to listen to last night? A bunch of BABIES crying because "the shot is different," "the lanes are oily," and "all the scores are down". Well guess what?
SUCK IT THE FUCK UP AND BOWL.
You are not SUPPOSED to be able to throw a strike every fucking time. And you don't DESERVE a strike every time just because you happened to throw the ball in the pocket or touch the head pin (which you can do virtually every time anyway on these pussy lanes). I saw guys all night long just WHINING because the 10 pin or 8 pin stood up. And I had to listen to SEVERAL sorry ass conversations between the poor, beleaguered bowling alley manager and several IRATE (really, I swear to God!) patrons who were not happy because they couldn't bowl as high as they "usually" do.
It was truly embarrassing to listen to this guff. One guy actually kept us waiting (again, I swear to God) for TEN MINUTES because he was too busy yelling at the manager to take his turn! And when he got back (finally) to his lane, his teammates actually THANKED HIM for bitching to the manager!!
Oy vay.
At the end of the night, I went up to one of these guys (a very nice guy, in his defense) and most facetiously said "Boy, if they don't fix these lanes I swear I am never bowling again." His response, quite non-facetiously, was "Yeah, I hear you!".
What a generation of pathetic, spoiled, over-rated, ego-centric bowlers we have grown here!
I make it a point to try and not show any emotion if I throw what I believe is a "perfect" strike only to see a pin remain standing. My position is simple: I did my job and threw the ball where I wanted it. After that, it's up to the fates to decide if 10 pins are gonna fall. If they do not, that does not change the fact that I did my job. Then I suck it up and try to make the spare. The only times I get annoyed are when I get annoyed at ME — I am the guy holding the ball, and I have complete control over what I do with it. The rest ain't up to me.
When this happens a LOT of times during the course of an evening, yeah, I can get frustrated like anyone else. But honestly, in the entire time I have been bowling in this league, I'd have to say that has happened to me only once or twice. The rest of the times I would have to say that my results have been "fair," and I have no complaints. Whether I have scored high or low, I place the blame squarely where it belongs: on my shoulders.
We are going back to wood bats in baseball for safety, and now a whole generation of young "stud" baseball players is going to have to learn than "mere mortals" don't hit baseballs 400 feet. I say we also go back to wood lanes so all these "heroes" can learn that a 300 game is NOT something you should be able to do 40-50 times in your lifetime, and that no 85-year-old (or at least VERY few) should be able to do it even once.
I hope I NEVER have to listen again to a bunch of (allegedly) grown men behave the way they did last evening. It was embarrassing and ridiculous. The whole episode convinces me further that bowling is NOT a real sport and never will be. I mean, let's move the baseball fences in to 250 feet so we can ALL hit home runs. Let's lower the baskets in basketball to eight feet so we can ALL dunk. Let's make the hockey nets 10 feet wide so we can ALL score.
What a fucking joke.
P.S. No, I have never bowled a perfect game, though I have had 10 in a row from the beginning of a game (286 score), and 11 in a row twice (290 and 279). Why haven't I? Because I ain't been good enough. We deal in REALITY here.
posted by Nick Frese at 10:41 AM
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