Death to John Bolaris
People, this could only happen in Philadelphia (or maybe Chicago. or perhaps Boston prior to 2004).
There are millions of wet, cold Philly fans running around this morning blowing their noses, rubbing their bleary eyes, in a mood as foul as the weather. And who is to blame for this latest debacle -- another beautiful opportunity to slide into the soggy abyss of another 1964 or 1977?
Should major league baseball and "Dynamic" Bud Selig be deemed the child of scorn for this mess? Even though the Commish is certainly a cypher, it is clear that he and the big-wigs believed that their best window of weather opportunity over the next 36-48 hours was 8-to-midnight Monday night. Hate Selig if you will -- and I will, thank you -- this one is just not his fault. Still, it's little consolation to the Fightin's, who now have lost their ace probably for the duration of the Series. Yikes!
Should the umpires have stopped the game earlier? Perhaps. But last time I checked, BOTH clubs were forced to play in what should now be referred to as "the Ides of October." The Rays, under brutal conditions, rallied for that second run when they had to get it. And Carlos Pena put a perfect swing on a low-and-away Cole Hamels heater to get it done. Credit where credit is due, folks. That's coming up big.
How about God? The Big Guy sure came up small for the Phillies, didn't he? Hey, maybe The Big Hitter In The Sky was simply giving us a little payback for cursing off Evan Longoria's little sister -- yet another show of South Philly "class" that can only enhance the city's well-deserved reputation for hooliganism exacerbated by that vocal, unruly minority that makes us all look like schmucks. But really, I gotta believe God has his hands full working on next Tuesday rather than dealing with a little matter like baseball. Priorities.
That leaves us with the REAL culprit, the one who caused all this. The one who put us all on the precipice of a potential fall reminiscent of the drop in George Bush's approval rating: the stinking weathermen!
How can these unrepentant, all-knowing bozos miss a rain storm this big? Holy cow: the radar at 9:30 last night showed solid cloud cover and rain from Washington to Pittsburgh for crying out loud! How can these geniuses possibly let MLB start, and continue, this game with that massive pile of slop sitting over our heads? Did John Bolaris get his Meteorology degree from K-Mart or Woolworth's? Or is guy simply too busy dating supermodels to bother with all that science stuff?
If the Phillies do ignore this little bump in the road and win this thing, I say we save a float in the parade for Bolaris -- I say we tie him to a post as a symbol of all that is wrong with his prognosticating profession, which apparently is just one step above "Swammy". Let's carry him down Broad Street naked in the cold...or better yet, tarred and feathered.
And remember, ye Philly faithful, the next time you need an accurate weather forecast, there is only one tried and true method. Stick your arm out the front door -- if it gets wet, it's probably raining. But be assured that John Bolaris and his ilk will be the last ones to know it.
There are millions of wet, cold Philly fans running around this morning blowing their noses, rubbing their bleary eyes, in a mood as foul as the weather. And who is to blame for this latest debacle -- another beautiful opportunity to slide into the soggy abyss of another 1964 or 1977?
Should major league baseball and "Dynamic" Bud Selig be deemed the child of scorn for this mess? Even though the Commish is certainly a cypher, it is clear that he and the big-wigs believed that their best window of weather opportunity over the next 36-48 hours was 8-to-midnight Monday night. Hate Selig if you will -- and I will, thank you -- this one is just not his fault. Still, it's little consolation to the Fightin's, who now have lost their ace probably for the duration of the Series. Yikes!
Should the umpires have stopped the game earlier? Perhaps. But last time I checked, BOTH clubs were forced to play in what should now be referred to as "the Ides of October." The Rays, under brutal conditions, rallied for that second run when they had to get it. And Carlos Pena put a perfect swing on a low-and-away Cole Hamels heater to get it done. Credit where credit is due, folks. That's coming up big.
How about God? The Big Guy sure came up small for the Phillies, didn't he? Hey, maybe The Big Hitter In The Sky was simply giving us a little payback for cursing off Evan Longoria's little sister -- yet another show of South Philly "class" that can only enhance the city's well-deserved reputation for hooliganism exacerbated by that vocal, unruly minority that makes us all look like schmucks. But really, I gotta believe God has his hands full working on next Tuesday rather than dealing with a little matter like baseball. Priorities.
That leaves us with the REAL culprit, the one who caused all this. The one who put us all on the precipice of a potential fall reminiscent of the drop in George Bush's approval rating: the stinking weathermen!
How can these unrepentant, all-knowing bozos miss a rain storm this big? Holy cow: the radar at 9:30 last night showed solid cloud cover and rain from Washington to Pittsburgh for crying out loud! How can these geniuses possibly let MLB start, and continue, this game with that massive pile of slop sitting over our heads? Did John Bolaris get his Meteorology degree from K-Mart or Woolworth's? Or is guy simply too busy dating supermodels to bother with all that science stuff?
If the Phillies do ignore this little bump in the road and win this thing, I say we save a float in the parade for Bolaris -- I say we tie him to a post as a symbol of all that is wrong with his prognosticating profession, which apparently is just one step above "Swammy". Let's carry him down Broad Street naked in the cold...or better yet, tarred and feathered.
And remember, ye Philly faithful, the next time you need an accurate weather forecast, there is only one tried and true method. Stick your arm out the front door -- if it gets wet, it's probably raining. But be assured that John Bolaris and his ilk will be the last ones to know it.
posted by Nick Frese at 12:54 PM
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