Melania, Oh Poor Melania (not really)

If you think about it, poor Melania Trump is living the American Dream and the American Nightmare all at once.

There you are, an eastern European sex worker (look it up and I can post pix if you like) minding your own business and looking for a way out. You make a few bucks to help support your aging parents, but you spend your days having fat rich guys sweat all over you while you have to pretend to like it. Not an ideal existence.

You're not a genius, but you're not stupid, and you have that certain cunning that sex workers develop with regard to men. You hear that a very rich American is going to be hanging around, so you get a rich Russian oligarch you know to get you in the room.

The next part is easy, because you use all those powers and skills (Godfather reference) that you learned in the business on the rich white guy and he is easily yours. Now you make sure he knows he needs to get you to America.

He does this by getting you a trumped up (pun intended) "Einstein Visa," though you are clearly not Einstein Visa material. And this fake visa let's you get you and your parents out of this Eastern Block shithole and over to the land you dreamed of to live in rich anonymity and happiness. Nobody in the U.S. cares if some rich imbecile brings an almost-hooker into the country to make himself happy. Why would we?

You bear the idiot old rich guy a child because you wanted one, though he really didn't. But it was part of the deal, which basically states that you have to make him look good at all times and he can fuck anyone he wants. There is an iron-clad prenuptial agreement because this guy is the most litigious fuck who ever lived and he WILL protect himself at all costs. Having the child, however, guarantees you $$$ for a long, long time.

Yes, you probably love that child as mothers are wont to do, but you also know you'll be able to spend minimal time caring for the child because there are servants for that, after all. So it's pretty darned easy. All you have to do is let this ONE rich white guy sweat on you whenever he wants, and the rest of the time can be spent in luxurious anonymity.

So life is going along swimmingly. You live a live of leisure surrounded by unimaginable wealth and comfort. After a while you don't even have to do anything sexual with the dope, just stand by his side and make him look good. If you want to get laid, there are plenty of people available to fill that need. All is well.

But it all goes wrong for you in an instant when the egotistical fuckhead decides he needs to be President of the United States.

You piss and moan to him that this is a bad idea because you know his faults and proclivities, but you also don't worry too much about it because you know the idiot can't win.

But you are wrong.

You severely underestimate the sheer stupidity of the American electorate, and you suddenly find yourself on the road, in the public eye, under intense scrutiny, and there isn't a damned thing you can do about it because of your son, your parents, and that damned pre-nup the idiot made you sign.

They tell you that you need to come up with some cockamamie "cause" because that's what first ladies do. You have no real feel or idea for this type of thing, so you go with something you know will secretly piss off the idiot: an anti-bullying campaign. You do this because you know what a bully he is. That gives you some comfort and control, you believe.

But they come after you. Boy, do they come after you. And the resentment begins to build. You want to lash out at the idiot who got you into this, but you have your child and that darn pre-nup to worry about. You know that if you cross the idiot, he will rain hell upon you in the form of a team of lawyers and detectives who will strip your soul bone dry, perhaps worse. So you begin to lash out at the people who hate you: those evil liberals and members of the press who see "be best" for the sham it is, and in fact, see your entire marriage for the sham it also is. It's not a pretty picture.

You try to do a few things around this dump of a white house the idiot lives in. Maybe you do it to try and feel better about yourself, or maybe you just need something to do. But of course they come after you for that, too. So you lash out at them even more.

You can't wait for it all to end, but now almost four years in, you don't know if it ever will. The electorate might be dumb enough to elect the idiot yet again, or even worse, you may not be able to hide after he is out of office because of that pesky press and those liberals. You worry about this constantly, that this wonderful life you built for yourself might be gone forever, like the wind.

I do have some sympathy for Melania Trump, just a little. She didn't ask for any of this, and I have little doubt that she wanted to stab the idiot for dragging her and her son into this firestorm for no reason other than ego and the pursuit of ever more wealth that they certainly did not need.

But this is her bed. She made a deal with the devil to escape her life in Ukraine, and now she is going to have to lay in it, like it or not.

Do you care? I don't.