Bring Back The Doubleheader...Before We All Freeze to Death

I have a suggestion for MLB: bring back the damned twin-bill. Either that or we continue to run the risk of Frosty the Snowman making a personal appearance at the World Series. Adding 10-12 scheduled doubleheaders to each club's regular season would save us ten cold days in October/November...not to mention potential frostbite. Plus, it will give us baseball addicts more time to prepare for Thanksgiving...which now feels like it happens the day after the Series.

And just think, Bud: the Minnesota Twins are building an OPEN-AIR STADIUM in Minneapolis. Gee, can't wait until the Twinks get back to a series. Pack your thermal spikes, boys. I think the cold must be affecting their brains up there.

Back in the day, doubleheaders were a regular part of the baseball landscape. I remember going to the Vet on doubleheader day, watching Game One from the hinterlands of the upper deck...and then sneaking down into the high-rent district for Game Two, when many of the fair-weather fans had left and gone home.

Uh oh. Therein lays the problem: the greedy owners sure ain't gonna sit still for THAT type of thing -- and I don't mean the sneakin' part. I mean they part where you get to see two baseball games for the price of one. THAT part.

But wait: how about the "split" doubleheader? That option would seem to get rid of that big worry. And it also gives the jocks a little time for R&R between games so they can touch base with their stock brokers and investment counselors.

So here's what we do, Bud: each team is given TWO scheduled doubleheaders each month of the season, which may be played as split doubleheaders on weekends if they so desire. That means a total of 12 twin bills. Then, instead of ending the season around October 1st, the season would end around September 20, with the playoff kicking off around September 24.

First round would finish by about 9/29, with LCS play starting around 10/2. That round should be done by October 12, and the World Series would begin around 10/15. And you'd be done playing baseball by 10/23, instead of 11/1 or thereabouts.

See how easy it can be, Bud? Just drop me a note if you want me to lay down the law to Don Fehr. Happy to help. Anytime.

Death to John Bolaris

People, this could only happen in Philadelphia (or maybe Chicago. or perhaps Boston prior to 2004).

There are millions of wet, cold Philly fans running around this morning blowing their noses, rubbing their bleary eyes, in a mood as foul as the weather. And who is to blame for this latest debacle -- another beautiful opportunity to slide into the soggy abyss of another 1964 or 1977?

Should major league baseball and "Dynamic" Bud Selig be deemed the child of scorn for this mess? Even though the Commish is certainly a cypher, it is clear that he and the big-wigs believed that their best window of weather opportunity over the next 36-48 hours was 8-to-midnight Monday night. Hate Selig if you will -- and I will, thank you -- this one is just not his fault. Still, it's little consolation to the Fightin's, who now have lost their ace probably for the duration of the Series. Yikes!

Should the umpires have stopped the game earlier? Perhaps. But last time I checked, BOTH clubs were forced to play in what should now be referred to as "the Ides of October." The Rays, under brutal conditions, rallied for that second run when they had to get it. And Carlos Pena put a perfect swing on a low-and-away Cole Hamels heater to get it done. Credit where credit is due, folks. That's coming up big.

How about God? The Big Guy sure came up small for the Phillies, didn't he? Hey, maybe The Big Hitter In The Sky was simply giving us a little payback for cursing off Evan Longoria's little sister -- yet another show of South Philly "class" that can only enhance the city's well-deserved reputation for hooliganism exacerbated by that vocal, unruly minority that makes us all look like schmucks. But really, I gotta believe God has his hands full working on next Tuesday rather than dealing with a little matter like baseball. Priorities.

That leaves us with the REAL culprit, the one who caused all this. The one who put us all on the precipice of a potential fall reminiscent of the drop in George Bush's approval rating: the stinking weathermen!

How can these unrepentant, all-knowing bozos miss a rain storm this big? Holy cow: the radar at 9:30 last night showed solid cloud cover and rain from Washington to Pittsburgh for crying out loud! How can these geniuses possibly let MLB start, and continue, this game with that massive pile of slop sitting over our heads? Did John Bolaris get his Meteorology degree from K-Mart or Woolworth's? Or is guy simply too busy dating supermodels to bother with all that science stuff?

If the Phillies do ignore this little bump in the road and win this thing, I say we save a float in the parade for Bolaris -- I say we tie him to a post as a symbol of all that is wrong with his prognosticating profession, which apparently is just one step above "Swammy". Let's carry him down Broad Street naked in the cold...or better yet, tarred and feathered.

And remember, ye Philly faithful, the next time you need an accurate weather forecast, there is only one tried and true method. Stick your arm out the front door -- if it gets wet, it's probably raining. But be assured that John Bolaris and his ilk will be the last ones to know it.