We Tried Our Best, Son

Someday when I'm gone, you'll read this and maybe understand a little better what happened in 2002 with your sister.

Your mother and me tried to make the best decisions we could for everyone. Obviously, it was a troubled and scary time. NEVER did we expect things to end the way they did. Right up until the very last few days, we believed Nicole would make it back, and that we would take you and Steph up to see and talk to her. Neither one of us wanted you see her in that condition.

I've agonized over that decision every year of my life, son. In retrospect, it might have been exactly the wrong thing to do. Maybe you needed to be there and hold her hand even if she couldn't feel it. Maybe you needed to see for yourself what I had to see every night for a month. I just don't know.

What I do know is that this is an apology to you for the way we handled it. Your mom and me did not mean to shut either of you out, nor to hurt you in any way. We just made a decision during the most difficult time of our lives, be it right or wrong. 

So I am sorry for this. I wish we had handled it differently. But we didn't, and I've had to live with that decision for my entire life.

I love you and Steph. Know that above all else. What happened on December 13, 2002 changed me and your mother forever, as things like that have a habit of doing. I have suffered. She has suffered. And now that you have two beautiful children of your own, I know you understand this completely.

Live your life to the fullest son, I won't be here forever, but I hope I'll be in your heart forever.

Love,

Dad